charlotte's weblog

The Question of Schooling:part 2

2010-03-31T16:42:00.002-04:00

I thought my next post on this subject would be to move on to private, Christian school, but I have a few more thoughts on public education that I wanted to mention.

I was considered a "gifted and talented" student in my public school. I excelled in all subjects but Math. I was an above average, but not "gifted" Math student. The public school system was not set up to accommodate a student such as myself. You were either gifted in all subjects or you were gifted in none. Despite my A's in all the other classes, I couldn't keep up in Math and was moved into lower level classes across the board. My parents pleaded with the administration to allow me to be moved into a slower paced Math course while still being permitted to explore my giftedness in English and History. No, they could not make the schedule work. I was moved to all average classes, where I was so ridiculously bored that I could barely stay awake most days.

And finally there is the is issue of the secular humanist indoctrination going on in public schools. I remember the first teacher to blatantly mock Christianity. I remember learning evolution, while the teacher threw in jokes about Creationism. I remember not having the confidence at 12 years old to raise my hand and stand up to my teacher. And I remember watching as another student did, and was utterly humiliated by that teacher.

I understand that these were just one person's experiences in the public school system. Another student, in another time or another place may not have faced the challenges that I did. But these are my experiences, and I carry them with me into my decision making regarding my children's education.

The Question of Schooling: part 1

2010-03-24T23:05:00.000-04:00

There are several big questions that hang out in my head all the time as of late. How we will school our children is a big one. Homeschooling is the choice of most of my friends and seems to be the most obvious choice for us. And yet, I really don't want to homeschool. And so I wrestle with my options...

OPTION 1: Public School

Someone recently suggested to me that Christians do not send their children to public school out of fear. I have had to chew on this idea for awhile. Does fear keep public school from being a viable option for me? I attended public school first through ninth grades. I went to "good public schools" in "good neighborhoods". For the most part I enjoyed my teachers, got good grades and made good friends. My parents tried to make sure my friends were "good kids" which wasn't hard because I was a "good girl." Here's the problem: much of my innocence was stolen and there is little if anything my parents could've done to stop it.

By the end of the second grade I could give you detailed descriptions of various sex acts. Second grade! Seven years old! Some older boys on the bus found it hilarious to tell the little girls all kinds of raunchy details. Another little boy would run up to me on the playground at recess and blurt out something he had seen in his dad's porn collection. I suppose my parents could've driven me to school and asked my teacher to not allow me to go on the playground with the other kids at recess, but since this wasn't really a reasonable option, a lot of my innocence was lost just as a matter of course.

Fast forward to middle school. I was student body vice president and had more friends than I could count. Sure I knew who smoked, drank, did drugs, had sex, but it wasn't any of my closest friends. Sure there was pressure. All the cool girls were supposed to make it around third base by the end of eighth grade, but there were enough of us who didn't, that I didn't stand out too much.

By the time I left after my freshman year of High School, I had almost no friends. Because all the "good girls" who I had been friends with since first grade, were now going to the cool parties with drinking and drugs, and trading tales about their "first time". I had nothing in common with any of my lifelong friends anymore. In my high school of 1600 kids, I knew of about two dozen Christians and the 4 or 5 that hadn't cashed in their faith, didn't share any classes or a lunch period with me. I took my stand and stood firm. I wasn't dating non-Christians, I wasn't going to go to parties with drinking or drugs. I even tried to share my faith. And I was totally alone. Sure I had friends outside of school, but there were a lot of hours in the school day to have no one.

I was a kid that kept my faith in the public school system. But I want more for my precious ones. I don't just want them to survive, I want them to thrive. Is that fear? No, I think it's just wisdom.

365 days later

2010-03-23T16:01:00.005-04:00

Blogging is too much like homework.

That’s what I have said whenever anyone asks me why I haven’t blogged in a year. I feel some weird pressure, as if my 3 devoted readers will be so disappointed in me if I can’t find something relatable, witty, engaging to write about every.single.day. So I just don’t write. But I do so love blogging… I love the way I process my thoughts as I type. I love having a record of memories takes me right back to the emotions I felt on any random day. And just like any other blogger who is honest, I me some love comments.

My love for blogging makes me want to start again. My dread of homework makes me think I will probably blog for a week maybe two and then quit again. I’ve thought about making some bold commitment, like a promise to blog everyday for a month. Hmmm… maybe I should just commit to be back tomorrow.

I am pregnant

2009-03-23T22:58:00.004-04:00

I know this isn’t really news to any of you, but I feel like it is news to me on a daily basis. Every time I pass a mirror and see my now huge belly, or sit down on the couch and suddenly my belly seems to leap forth and give my laptop a jolt, I think, “Wow, I am really pregnant. Me. ME! I have been given the gift of a precious tiny life in my womb. How did this happen to me?”

I didn’t feel quite this way when I first learned I was pregnant. I didn’t talk about my feelings and the last thing I felt like doing was posting them on a blog for the world to see. The very few people whom I attempted to share my feelings with, didn’t really get it, and how could I expect them to? None of the had been a barren woman for 9 years of marriage. None of them had walked my path of pain and of healing. From anyone else’s perspective, there was nothing to feel but joy. And I felt joy, but I felt quite a few other emotions that did not go over quite as well.

If you have followed my blog, you know that over a year ago, Tim and I believed God directed us not to pursue any fertility treatment. We were tested at that time and told that both of us had fertility problems. The tests confirmed that my problems were not cured by the weight loss, as we had hoped, and considering both of our issues, the doctor’s felt fertility treatment was our only hope. Even then, because we were limited by convictions as to what we would consider in the realm of fertility treatment, the odds were very much against us. With fertility treatment, we still had less than an 11% chance of conceiving.

As I walked out of the clinic that day and the Lord confirmed that we should not choose this path, I felt such relief. I knew if it ever happened for us, it would be a miracle, straight from the hand of the Almighty. Though I know He was capable of this, I did not believe this was the path He had chosen for us. I finally had peace. No fertility treatment. No more striving. No more rollercoaster. I was getting off and I felt free. I am passionate about adoption and thought that with so many children out there to love, this was our calling, His plan. I was healed of all the pain, I couldn’t tell you how I knew it, but I knew God had healed my heart. The sense of healing was not something I could conjure up, or determine by my will. It wasn’t some forced state of denial; I was aware that I was missing out on some things and I knew why so many others would not want to walk this path. But more than anything I knew that God’s plan was the best plan for my life, and if that did not include conceiving children, I was ready to not just accept it, but to embrace it.

I was so excited to move forward. I wanted to educate those around me about adoption. I wanted everyone to know that adoption was not a second choice, but a high calling. I was overwhelmed by a sense of gratefulness to God for my infertility, because I believed that it was the instrument He has used to bring about a beautiful calling in our lives. A calling to build our family the way He built His, through adoption.

But our second adoption wasn’t going so smoothly. No adoption agency seemed to be the right fit. No homestudy agency was on the same page as us. Still we pushed forward until the end of September, when our paperwork was finally complete and ready to send to Ethiopia. Something still felt wrong, just off. I remember lying in bed and nervously, telling Tim I didn’t feel like we should send our paperwork to Ethiopia and I did not know why. He felt the same way and we were both quite frustrated. Desperately wanting more children, but never wanting to run ahead of God, we waited, but we had no idea what we were waiting for. One night a few weeks later, laying in that same darkness, I said to Tim, “the only way any of this makes sense, is if I end up pregnant.” He said nothing.

And then I was pregnant. Really pregnant!

But I still wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. My heart for that country, my heart for adoption had not gone away with a pregnancy test. I looked at my son and there were so many questions in my heart. The plan was to have a house filled with adopted children. What if we are completely healed and can have many more children? What if he is the only child we are able to adopt? Would he be my only child of another race in an all white family? No, we the parents were supposed to be the odd men out, not my precious little boy.

I had grieved the loss of not having biological children. It had been my dream for many years, but then that dream died and a new dream was born. Everyone kept saying that my dream had finally come true, and I knew they would never understand that it just wasn’t my dream anymore. I knew how ungrateful I seemed. Was I? I wasn’t sure. I thanked God repeatedly for the child in my womb, because I knew with all certainty that His plans are the best, but really, I did not understand.

Over time, God did the miraculous work that He does best. He took a dead thing and made it alive again. My dream of a biological child has been resurrected. The excitement and anticipation has grown through the weeks and there is a new joy in my heart. I am in awe of the work of God in our lives. I can’t say that I now totally understand, but I have stopped trying. It is not required of me to understand. That is the greatest lesson I have learned in all of this: I do not need to figure it all out. I need to follow and obey and allow the amazing plans He has unfold before me. Will we adopt again? I hope so. Will we have more biological children? I hope so. But I do not know, only He does and I know His plans are the best.

And I am pregnant. Really, really pregnant!

I've been...

2009-03-17T16:00:00.004-04:00

I haven't had much time to write over the past week or so, but in a effort to be a better blogger, I thought I'd keep y'all caught up on my life.

So I've been...

reading: Romans

listening to: Chris Rice, Peace Like A River: The Hymns Project

watching: Madagascar, Harry thinks he is Alex the Lion

enjoying: constant baby motion, she is so active

feeling: better, definitely more good days than bad

craving: hot dogs with French's yellow mustard, in normal life I consume neither of those things

fretting about: my son's behavior

learning: great child training principles, the Ted Tripp series at Resurgence is AMAZING!

debating: girl names, why can't we just find one we both love? Here's the current list: Claudia, Naomi, Genevieve, Juliette. Recently booted: Elisabeth, Violet and sadly, Lola.

keeping busy with: nesting big time... thrown out tons of junk, painted lots of walls and made my honey move lots of furniture

encouraged by: God's work in our church. The leadership group has been meeting regularly to go over a fantastic series called "From Embers to a Flame" and there is such an expectancy among us.

praying for: Abby, a sweet little girl adopted from the same orphanage as Harrison, who is fighting for her life in a battle with Leukemia.

overwhelmed by: the sheer volume of work Tim and I need to do before this baby comes! We need at least 12 good weekends where we are free to work, we have have about 4. I have NO IDEA how we will get it all done and keep up with all our commitments.

leaving for: Florida on Wednesday! I am taking Harrison to see his grandparents for a week. Tim will fly in for the weekend. (Pray I can enjoy the break and not spend the whole time fretting about what we are not getting done at home.)

I could expound on so many of these topics, but for now this post will have to do. Hopefully, there will be plenty of free time for posting by the pool (complete with virgin dacquiri) in just a few days! :) A girl can dream, right?

The first time ever I saw...

2009-03-05T15:25:00.006-05:00

We had a big scare with our baby about a month ago. We had a detailed sonogram and found out she had an echogenic bowel. This basically means the babies intestines were glowing on the screen and this is considered a marker for Down's Syndrome and Cystic Fibrosis. I initially broke down sobbing to one of my dearest friends, but after 20 minutes of that, my dear husband came home and brought me back to reality. God has never let us down before, and He will equip us for whatever He calls us to. As we talked, I realized that this baby is our miracle; medically she should not exist, but here she is. And so when God gives you a miracle, it is not for you to question the details. She is our miracle baby and we will take her however He has sent her to us. Gratefully!

I saw a specialist a few days later, who confirmed the echogenic bowel and ran a lot of blood work. We did not want an amniocentesis, due to the risk if miscarriage, so we were hoping the blood tests would give us the clues we needed. The good news was the specialist could finally get a look at her girly bits and confirm the babies sex for us. (She had been shyer in all previous sonos.)

It would take 2 weeks to get all the blood work back, but in the end, they showed that her chances of having either Down's or CF were very, very low.

Tuesday I went for a follow up with the specialist. He told me the brightness had faded and given that fact, plus the test results, I should just put the matter out of my head. And since I was there with goop all over my belly, he was nice enough to switch over to 4D and let me take a look at my beautiful little girl. To see her face, her movements, I can't even describe how amazing it was.

She would only give us profile pics, but I thought I'd share a couple...

Snow day!

2009-03-02T12:59:00.022-05:00

Harry finally had a chance today to play in the snow. There really has been no good snow in Maryland since he has been home. We got a few inches at the end of January, but we were in Florida and missed it completely.

His grandparents gave him his very own snow-shovel for Christmas

this year, and he so loves the opportunity to be Daddy's helper. He has shoveled paths all over our yard. It is so cute and how determined he is. In most places, the snow comes up to the middle of his little thighs and still he tromps through shoveling his paths "for Daddy!" Here he is in the path he cleared up to his play house.

Having a little taste...

And protesting the suggestion of lunch...

Some Thoughts on Lent

2009-03-01T08:42:00.001-05:00

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me."
John 17:20 -23

The Lenten season began this week. Lent is a precious time in the church calendar, a time of repentance, prayer and fasting before the Lord. For many years, I did not understand Lent and the season passed unnoticed by me. I felt that in each believer's life there were seasons when God drew us to repentance, prayer and fasting. Why should the calendar tell us when to do this? For me, the answer to this question, is the very reason now I so appreciate the season. Lent is both a corporate and personal time. When an individual member of the body of Christ lays aside earthly pleasures to seek the Lord, it is a precious thing. But when the Body of Christ moves in unison toward a common purpose, we are accomplishing the will of God, unity. And when the common purpose under which we unify is repentance, our God is sure to respond.

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

I see so many areas where repentance is needful and I am desperate to see His healing from sin manifest in my own life, in my family, in my local church and in the Body of Christ as a whole. I am so grateful that healing and forgiveness have been assured through Christ and I eagerly wait to see the Lord move in the coming weeks.

A sisty!

2009-02-28T15:55:00.000-05:00

I wanted to find out the sex and Tim was on the fence but leaning towards keeping it a surprise. Harrison did not care which we decided. He had already decided he was having a "sisty" and let us know with all the determination of a Guatemalan toddler that would hear nothing about brothers! It was his determination that tipped the scales in my favor and we found out the sex. We were really going to have to prepare him if the little one inside of me had boy parts. The sonogram confirmed what Harrison knew all along, he is having a sisty!

Our Story

2009-02-27T19:20:00.004-05:00

Last February I walked out of a fertility clinic knowing I would not return. They hadn't done anything for me. I hadn't let them get that far. Individually, it was unlikely either Tim or I would be able to conceive. Together, it would take major medical intervention just to give us less than a 10% shot. I knew in my heart in those moments, that were life ever to be placed in my womb, it would be solely by the hand of the Almighty, not the plans of men. To Him only would go the glory. And I knew that He might never choose to do so, and even then to Him would be the glory.

And I put the matter out of my head. I had my closure. I would not strive.

So in early November, I was rearranging furniture and later that night, my back began to ache. Motrin, heating pads, rest, no relief. After a few days I began to wonder what was going on... muscle aches all over. Until one afternoon in the Ikea Cafe, I could not stand up. My body was paralized with pain. I was blessed to have my mom with me, to help me to the car and to corral Harrison. She had recently started working at an OBGyn office and gingerly brought up the topic of ectopic pregnancies.

Are you late?
I am always late.
By how long?
A couple of weeks, I guess.
Have you taken a test?
No, I don't waste my money on those silly things anymore.
Stop the car at Target, I will buy the test.
Yawn.

I came home and took the test. One line meant I was not pregnant. Two lines meant I was. I had one very clear line and one if you look real close you can see a line kind of line. Tim was driving home from work so I called him to tell him that I thought I had a positive pregnancy test. His response: You probably took it wrong, take another one. I tried to put the matter out of my head until he got home. I took another just before bed and the result was worse... one very clear line and one if you look really, really close you can see a line kind of line.

I scheduled a blood test the next day and my mother-in-law took me to the appointment. I took the last of my home tests just before I left. Same result. The results for the blood test would take 24 hours and that was just too long for my dear mother-in-law to wait. We ran to the drug store after my appointment and she bought a three pack of the fancy digital tests that pop up with the word "PREGNANT" if it's positive. As soon as we got in the door, she insisted I take one of the fancy tests. I did and it was instantly positive. Her response: It was supposed to take 3 minutes, maybe it was defective. Take another!

At this point I knew I was pregnant, but Tim, my mother and mother-in-law would not believe anything until they we got the blood test results. The day the results came in I was still in a lot of back pain, so the doctor asked me to come in for a sonogram to rule out the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy. Of course all was well. I watched her tiny heart beating inside me and received a back and white photo of a teeny tiny little bean in my belly to show all those in doubt.

I am now 21 1/2 weeks pregnant. Tim and I were married on July 3, 1999. Three days later, Tim and I decided that contraception was not for us and we would let God decide when we would have children. Exactly 10 years later, on July 6, 2009, our baby is due!

Back to Blogging

2009-02-26T15:54:00.001-05:00

I am going to try my hand at blogging again. I really haven't been faithful with it since I became a mom, and FaceBook has been just so easy for quick updates and keeping in touch. But I do enjoy blogging, so I keep coming back.

I am also coming back to Blogger. Nothing against my .mac site. I still love my mac, and the site was fun and very easy to play with, but it was not free. I received it as a gift for a year and the year will be over next month. So back to free Blogger I come!

The last time I posted I announced our pregnancy. And then never posted again. Never gave any details or even said how far along I was. How frustrating! But I have a good excuse. I could barely get my head out of the toilet long enough to say hi to my husband, much less sit and think and type. Morning, noon and night sickness got the better of me until a few weeks ago. I still have good days and bad days, but the good days are outnumbering the bad and I finally feel like a functional member of society again. So my first post will the story of how we found out...

And then God surprises you

2008-11-18T17:05:00.000-05:00

We really had no idea what to do. We were all ready to adopt from Ethiopia, but felt God was holding us back. We started to pray about pursuing foster care and foster/adopt programs, but got no answer. Desperately wanting more children, but never wanting to run ahead of the Father, we waited. For some kind of sign, for something.

We got our sign. Seven times. Five home pregnancy tests, one blood test, and a sonogram confirmed what we could not believe. God has placed a life in my womb.

Fall Fun

2008-10-23T16:41:00.000-04:00

Fall is my absolute favorite season and it has been so much fun to enjoy it with Harrison this year. Two weeks ago we went to a fall festival at a local park. Here are some pics...

Harrison with his cousin Brayden

In line for a hayride

Getting his face painted with PopPop

Happy Boys!

Then last week we went to the best pumpkin patch ever! It had a petting zoo, hay rides, a big hay pit for the kiddos to jump around in, a playground, one barn where you could learn about farming, another barn where they served hot dogs, fries and ice cream and finally a 3+ mile corn maze.

An aerial view of this year's maze

Harry found a little lamb

Brayden, Annie and Harrison

So many pumpkins!

Here we wait

2008-10-22T16:39:00.000-04:00

Something comes to you, an idea, a plan, a new venture. You head down the path and can sense God is in this thing, He is moving. You have your destination in mind and you are forging ahead with your eye on the prize. As you go, you hit obstacles, unexpected bumps in the road that force you to change and grow. With your heart set on the things ahead, you yield to the process and find God is breaking down walls in your heart. He is using this path to change you in ways you had not expected.

Then suddenly you reach a fork in your road. You can bear left pressing on toward your original goal, or now you can bear right toward another destination. Another destination that you had considered before, but dismissed quickly, as not for you, for so many reasons. But standing there at the fork, you realize your time on this path has changed you, and each of the objections you had to this new destination have worn away as you toiled on the path. You would not have started down this road with the new destination in mind, but now that you are at the fork, you see that you needed to head down this road to get to either destination. You needed to be changed in order to be prepared to arrive at the new destination. And so there you stand. Staring at the fork. Your heart clinging to all the reasons you started on the path, but amazed by the excitement stirring in your belly at the new venture just steps away. Was this His plan all along, or is this just a distraction? God will guide you, you are sure of that, but waiting for Him at this crossroads isn’t easy.

Waiting for Him at this crossroads isn’t easy.

I hesitate to write anything at all, because I have no idea which way He will lead. Well, maybe that’s not true, maybe I do have an idea. There are a million reasons why Ethiopia is the right fit for us, and I WANT IT SO BADLY. But I have a feeling, we are going to bear right toward a new destination. Maybe not, and so we wait…

Tis the Season

2008-06-24T16:10:00.000-04:00

I am not a great blogger most of the time, but in the spring and summer, I downright stink. I just love being outside. I love pushing our kitchen table off to the side to catch junk mail for a few months, while we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner out on the porch. I love watching my baby run around in the grass with nothing but a diaper... and sometimes not even that. I love our morning walks to the park and swinging side-by-side with my little man. I love when it so hot that I stop caring about the condition of my arms and I throw on a tank top. I love splashing in our inflatable kiddy pool. I love farmers markets and fresh fruits and veggies that didn’t come from California. I love mowing the lawn, digging in the dirt and watching as each of my flowers take turns blooming. The tulips, the snowball bush, the irises, the peonies, the pixie lilies, and now the hydrangeas and daylilies, while the hibiscus and black-eyed susans and butterfly bushes have not quite woken. This year I can add a new love to that list. My new garden, my vegetable garden.

My grandma grew up on a farm in southern Maryland and she when she married my Grandpa, an Irish immigrant with his feet firmly planted in Baltimore city, she missed getting her hands dirty. They lived in a tiny house in the city, but grandpa made sure their yard was big enough for quite a spectacular garden. I have the best memories of driving to her little farm in the city, and spending hours playing amongst the veggies, digging up worms, or coloring under the grape arbors. The tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, cucumbers, she grew everything, but my absolute favorite were her grapes. The most magnificent grapes I have ever tasted in my life. Recently, I discovered a local vineyard that has one wine that tastes just like those grapes. One sip and I am right back there.

So here are a few photos from my garden.

Tomatoes

Jalapenos

Romaine

Strawberries

Zucchini

I also did head lettuce, yellow bell peppers, onions, carrots, spinach , broccoli, eggplant, a bunch of herbs and started a blueberry bush.

Cabbage worms ate my broccoli and I didn’t pick the spinach in time, but we have enjoyed carrots, strawberries and lettuce, and zucchini is on tonight’s menu.

Here’s a look at the perfect little garden my amazing husband gave up a lot of blood, sweat, tears and Saturdays to build me...

Isn’t he just the best?

And finally here are a few pics of my flowers...

Where do I start?

2008-05-28T16:07:00.000-04:00

It was this time last year that I stopped blogging for seven months. I had no intention of repeating history, but I can now clearly remember why I stopped. The sun shines, the garden calls… Harry and I wake up early and play outside til the sun goes down.

So much has happened since I last wrote here, so much that beginning again seemed overwhelming and I let time pass.

Shortly after my last post Harrison turned two. And he is 100% two, by the way. He is so fun and so strong-willed. And everyday I feel more on top of the world to have this amazing little person as my son. And everyday I feel like being a mother is the most impossible job ever.

My mom has been staying with us on and off and it is such a blessing to have her here. I have missed having her so close and can’t wait until she can come back permanently.

Tim built me an amazing vegetable garden. I did a little research and planned it out and he worked himself to the bone for four Saturdays. It is fantastic. He has never been the handy type at all, in fact I have done pretty much all the handyman work for most of our marriage. So it is all the more special how much time and work he put into it. The garden in done, now he is putting in a walkway around it. I will post photos over in our albums. You will be impressed!

Our adoption process has hit more than a few bumps in the road. We have had very difficult decisions to make and basically haven’t really been able to move forward in the past 6 weeks. In fact, we’ve moved backward. Here’s the story…

We found an agency we loved. They had everything we wanted, but they were still in the process of getting licensed by the Ethiopian government. They were expected to have their licensing within a month, so they encouraged us to sign on, work on our homestudy and dossier and then we would be ready soon after they were licensed. I had reservations, but really liked them so we moved forward with that plan. Our goal was to adopt 2 children younger than Harrison. Our ideal situation would have been to bring home a 6 month old baby girl and an 18 month old baby boy when Harry was about 2 ½ . So they would each be about a year apart. We were willing to be flexible, but still, two babies under two is a tricky request. Our agency was fine with it.

I knew that adopting two at once would present challenges. Attaching with 2 children at once couldn’t be easy, since I knew first-hand attaching with just one baby presented a lot of challenges. And the sheer amount of work involved in having 3 kids under three…scary! Then there is Harrison, through his little eyes… “Mommy and Daddy leave me for 10 days and when they return they bring not one, but two babies home who take up so much of the time that was just mine.”

But the positives out weighed the negatives in our minds. We really are not trying to be a “global family” with one child from each of eight countries. We would like each of our children to have someone else in the family that shares their country of birth/ethnicity. Guatemala is closed and no one can say for sure we will ever be able to return there for another child. Nor can anyone say what the future holds in Ethiopia. Adopting two babies at once would ensure we would not run into this problem again.

So when our homestudy agency told us they do not approve the adoption of two non-related children, we knew our chances of finding a baby boy under two with a younger sister would be nothing short of miraculous. We were stunned. We had paid a nice chunk of money and submitted a nice chunk of the paperwork. I called other agencies, we could go elsewhere and be approved. It took us almost a month to decide but in the end we opted to stay with our homestudy agency.

Then, I emailed our adoption agency to see if there was any news on their licensing. They told us that Ethiopia is currently investigating several agencies and has decided to freeze all applications for licensing. They told us they had set up a networking agreement with another agency and that agency would process the adoptions for our agencies clients. I have never felt comfortable with this. It just seems ripe with problems. I have known others who have been involved in these situations and I think they could have saved themselves a lot of headache (and often heartache) if they just dealt with one agency. Plus, I keep reading that this practice is illegal in Ethiopia. Our agency assures us it perfectly legal and they have read the actual laws. But how can we know for sure? We really can’t.

We are now restarting our homestudy and searching for a new agency, one that has it’s own license in Ethiopia. Adoption never ceases to be a rollercoaster. It is in times like these that I love when people tell me how easy I have it, because I don’t have to go though pregnancy and childbirth. Nothing about adoption is easy. When they tell me how lucky I am to not be getting stretch marks, and they have no idea the wrinkles and gray hairs that I’ll get instead.

My Mom

2008-04-06T16:04:00.000-04:00

I almost lost my mom a week ago Friday.

My aunt and I took her into the hospital early Friday morning for a Cardiac Catheterization. A relatively simple exploratory procedure. Mom was having it done because she had been having some symptoms of heart disease and they wanted to take a look inside.

Five hours in the waiting room, ticked by slowly as we waited for the results. Finally around 2:00, Mom’s doctor came out and told us her arteries were perfect. What relief we felt! He told us we could go see her in recovery, but she would need to stay horizontal for four hours, so the hole they had just created in her artery could close. Two hours later the nurse came to take us back.

We went back and she looked great. She was still a little loopy from the drugs, so we had some fun teasing her. We laughed. We acted silly. We were just so relieved.

Her four hours of not moving were finally over and we were anxious to leave. It was 6:00 pm and I was aching to see my boys. The nurse took forever to come and tell her she could get up. She said she could go to the restroom, get dressed and then they would have her discharge papers ready.

I left the room for a moment and when I returned, it was surreal. My aunt was standing in the middle of the recovery room; her face was pale and covered in fear. Nurses were running in and out of mom’s room frantically, yelling to other nurses to bring various tools and page the doctor. No one spoke to my aunt or me. We stood there like statues frozen with fear. I kept waiting for someone to tell us she was going to be okay, but no one did. I heard my mom say she was going to pass out and the nurses behind the curtain were yelling at her to stay awake. Everything was frantic. Bedside manor was out the window. They were just keeping her alive.

At some point my aunt and a nurse pushed me into a chair when they thought I was going to pass out. I wasn’t going to, my brain couldn’t accept what was going on. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t pray, I couldn’t cry. I didn’t know how to do anything in that moment. I just wanted to hold my baby. I needed Harrison and the need consumed me. I was losing my mother and I just needed to mother my son.

Finally, she was stabilized and a nurse came to explain what had happened. The hole in the artery had not closed and as she walked back from the bathroom she began to hemorrhage. She said something about dissolving a hematoma before a clot could travel through her blood stream. We could go say hi but we would have to go back to the waiting room for 2 hours… at least.

We decided to get dinner and as we walked my throat began to tighten, I couldn’t swallow and breathing became more difficult. I was beginning to deal. I got in the cafeteria line, called Tim and the floodgates opened. His sister stayed with Harrison and he headed into DC to be with me. The realizations that I came to over those two hours were horrifying. Harrison adores her, but he would’ve never remembered her. She has been so supportive of our decision to adopt from Ethiopia, more so than anyone else in our families, but her African grandchildren would’ve never known her.

And me. It was just her and me for so many years. We walked a difficult path together, just the two of us. She is the only one who really knows, because she is the only one who was there. She is my mother, my best friend, my inspiration. She is the most giving, selfless person I have ever known.

The feelings I had are hard to describe and they really took me by surprise. I felt like I was on the brink of being an orphan. Yes, I have a father, but as I look back I can’t remember a time when our relationship was parental. And so it’s really just her. I felt that if she were gone, I would be more alone than I had ever been before. The one person who has been on my side for over thirty years, the only witness to my whole life. Gone. In a moment.

I would have never understood this feeling two weeks ago. If someone else were saying these things, I would’ve thought there was a problem with their marriage. But my marriage is great. So what is this feeling?

Mom ended up spending the night in the hospital and was released the next day. She spent several days here with us recuperating. Now she has regained most of her strength and is doing great. But I am changed by the experience. I walked around the whole week in a fog… perpetually on the verge of tears… acutely aware of what a gift I have… and that one day she will be gone.

Caught

2008-03-20T15:52:00.001-04:00

...in the living room with Moon Sand!

Sorry Nae, I don’t have any jokes. Hope this was cute enough to provoke a smile!

Gratitude

2008-03-19T15:50:00.001-04:00

This photo was taken about a month ago. Harry and sweet Izzy are sitting at Father Greg’s feet with their prayer books.

I love this photo, not just because it is adorable, but because it is a reminder of God’s spiritual provision. As I see my little boy sitting at the feet of the man who has been my spiritual father since I was 9 years old, I am overcome with gratitude. I am so grateful that my son will grow up with a solid foundation. I am so grateful that he will not be “carried about by every wind of doctrine,” that he will grow up in the truths it took us so many years to find.

Sweet Cakes

2008-03-16T15:46:00.000-04:00

This one’s for all the GuateMama’s out there...

It is hard to find recipes that are specific to Guatemala, but I found this one for Guatemalan Sweet Cakes on Epicurious a few weeks ago. Tim and Harrison were over the moon for them. I thought they were pretty good, but what I really liked was having a special treat from Guatemala for Harry.

One side note, the recipe calls for Farmer Cheese. When I was growing up, we often went to an Amish market and bought something called Farmer Cheese. It was similar to provolone. This is not that cheese. This farmer cheese is similar to cottage cheese or ricotta and can be found in the same section of the market. BUT don’t try to substitute cottage cheese as I did on the first go... yuck!

Five minutes well spent

2008-03-14T23:44:00.000-04:00

I found this fantastic little video of John Piper sharing God’s heart, on something so close to my heart. I highly recommend it.

Where do we go from here

2008-03-13T23:33:00.000-04:00

The day after my last post things changed for us and I knew it was finally time to write this post. But writing this post would make some things very real to me and I haven’t felt ready. Thus the silence. So here is it: the post I have started, but never finished 100 times in the last year. It is a very long story, so grab a cup of coffee and pull up a couch.

Most people who know me at all know I want a large family and I want to get that moving as soon as possible. Tim and I feel like we did our waiting before Harrison came and now we are just ready to build our family. But as most of you know, adoption is a very expensive endeavor. Expensive in dollars, expensive in lost sleep, expensive in tears. Those of us who have been “pregnant like an elephant” and spent 2 agonizing years waiting to hold our child, know that by the time you get your little one home, you need an emotional rest. So when we got home with Harry we had decisions to make. Where do we go from here? And when would we be ready to begin again?

Initially, we thought we’d go back to Guatemala, so Harrison would have a sibling from his birth country, but we felt God was holding us back, and so we waited. For quite some time my heart has been drawn to Africa. Last summer as I read “There Is No Me Without You” I knew wanted adopt from Ethiopia. Eventually. But I really thought Guatemala was the way to go next for Harry’s sake.

In the meantime, we started to think again about the possibility of conceiving. The doctors said that as I lost weight, my chances would increase. And I was losing weight. So maybe...

We decided we would just “see what happens.” We were hopeful God would bless us, but we weren’t counting on it. So we decided to start an adoption, and if we ended up with two babies at once, we’d be all the more blessed.

We had no peace about returning to Guatemala and my heart drawn more and more to Ethiopia. So we called our agency and got information. Unfortunately, we learned they had changed their policy in regards to family planning and we were expected to prevent pregnancy during the process. We had a short discussion about birth control with a pre-adoption consultant, and were left without an agency.

So now we felt like we had to make a decision, proceed with an adoption or proceed with trying to conceive. After much debate, we decided to try fertility treatment. It took several months of tests and referrals until we were sitting in the office of a fertility specialist trying to explain what we were and were not willing to do to conceive. We were scheduled to begin the next month.

Now I need to briefly rewind to give you some insight on our previous attempts at fertility treatment. First of all, I have a very strong reaction the medication I need. On these meds, I am NOT WELL 3 weeks out of the month; and by the third month, I am completely spent. So after soldiering through all the side effects, when we tried a few years ago, on the day we were scheduled to “try” I got a food poisoning. The next time on “the day”, I was in the hospital needing to have my gallbladder removed immediately. Almost every month we tried the meds, something out of our control stopped us from actually taking advantage of them. We finally decided to stop the insanity and adopt. Enter Harrison.

So back to the present. Month one: My STD tests result are not in and the doctor refuses to proceed. Reeling from the drugs, I returned to the clinic for month two. I had to be to the clinic at 7:30am for a sonogram. That is 7:30 am the day after I wrote my last post. The morning after I had been up through the night with my heart breaking, yet again, for the fatherless. The sonogram confirmed my cysts were back. Another month lost. I drove home feeling a bit numb, but not surprised.

In those moments as I drove home, I could be completely truthful with myself, and I realized several very important things about our current course of action.

1.I realized I never had believed the fertility treatment was going to work. And I really didn’t care if it did. I was just going through the motions, because on the off chance that if one day 20 years from now I wished I had experienced pregnancy and childbirth, I could tell myself I gave it my best shot.

2. I realized my frustration with not being able to try again really stemmed from my desire to just get the treatment over with. And then I could finally follow my heart to Africa.

3. I realized my only reason for wanting the treatment to actually be successful was because I really want that big family and I can’t see how we’ll ever afford it via adoption. I had to ask myself, yet again, if I could I trust God with the desires of my heart? And remind myself that if He is calling us to adopt children, he will provide a way for us to bring them home.

4. I knew that if God one day decides to open my womb, He will do it. He will do it as He has done it for generations of women before me, not with the strategies of man, but by His mighty, merciful and miraculous Hand.

I called Tim and it was clear he was not surprised either. Where do we go from here, I asked. Our hearts were in complete agreement. We needed to get off the merry-go-round and follow where God was leading.

So this week, we decided to move forward with a wonderful adoption agency that seems to have everything we want. And if all goes as planned we should be in Ethiopia by the end of the year.

I would gather children

2008-02-13T23:31:00.001-05:00

Some would gather money along the path of life, some would gather roses and rest from worldly strife. But I would gather children from among the thorns of sin, I would seek a golden curl and a freckled toothless grin. For money cannot enter in that land of endless day, and roses that are gathered soon will wilt along the way. But Oh the laughing children, as I cross the sunset sea, and the gates swing wide to heaven, I can take them in with me.

~unknown

I have known this poem for so long, but it has really been getting to me lately. I have always thought it was cute, but now it makes me cry.

As I press in to the Lord this Lenten season, my prayer is that the Lord would break my heart with the things that break His. I was expecting something new. But how can I be surprised when He returns my heart to the fatherless. “Lord, I already know the need, my heart is already broken.” But I close my eyes, and again, I am overwhelmed by a sea of little faces.

Oddly, I have never really shared my passion for adoption here. In fact, I really haven’t shared it with most of my friends. Why? I think there are several reasons, but the biggest is that I fear I am so passionate that the message will be lost on the crazy messenger.

Why I am so passionate?

Because there are currently 143 million children in the world without a parent to love them.

Because if only 7% of Christians adopted 1 child, there would be no orphans in the world.

Because adoption is at the very heart of God.

Because I close my eyes, and again, I am overwhelmed by a sea of little faces.

You should ignore this post

2008-02-12T23:27:00.001-05:00

Don’t say I didn’t warn you....

I think about politics. A lot. Always have really.

Ready to stop reading yet?

When I was 6, Ronald Reagan was running for reelection and I knew I had to do something to help. I made my mom take me to Rite-Aid for some poster board. I planned to march up and down my road carrying a sign I made to support Pres. Reagan. Who cares that there we only 3 homes on my tiny dirt road that led to nowhere. So I went to my big brother for help. VOTE FOR RONALD REAGAN! my sign would say, I just needed help spelling his name. R-O-N-A-L-D--R-O-L-A-I-D-S was my brothers response. I was infuriated. Righteous indignation! Not so much because he did it to me, but more because I believed he had disrespected the President of the United States of America. Plus it had taken a lot of convincing to get that first piece of poster board, I knew I wouldn’t be seeing another.

I was ridiculously excited to vote in my first election. Clinton won, but I was not deterred. I had so much hope for George W. Bush, and was thrilled when my guy won. But he really dropped the ball on several issues important to conservatives.

I have never had wont for an outlet to discuss my passion for politics. I worked in the newspaper business for many years and then academia. Both industries were ripe with individuals who hated my politics. Then you add the fact that I live just 6 miles from the DC beltway and you have a recipe for a lot of “spirited discussions”.

I spent every morning and every evening trudging around that beltway listening to talk radio. But by the time I quit my job to stay home, I was totally burned out. I told my husband (who is a total political junkie) I had given up on politics and only Jesus could save this country. I didn’t want to listen to it, read about it, talk about it, think about it.

Then Rob Schneck came to our church to speak this fall. He comes fairly regularly and is always enjoyable. Rev. Schneck heads a ministry called Faith and Action, and he is a missionary to Capitol Hill. He actually attended the same Bible college that I attended, and his teachings on the ten commandments were pivotal in my husband’s conversion. Anyway, this fall as he was teaching, he said something that has stuck with me. Forgive the paraphase, I can’t remember his exact words. But the gist was that in the US as a democracy, we are the government. We, the people have the authority to choose leaders and remove leaders. Given that authority is God granted (Rom 13:1), we must be good stewards of the vote that God has given us. It is a matter of stewardship.

So after a long sabbatical, my mind returned to politics. But I see things differently than I did before. I have been disillusioned in the most positive sense of the word. With equal if not greater passion, I am redirected, refocused.

Today I fulfilled the obligation of stewardship.

I have so much to say...

Little Milestones

2008-02-02T23:24:00.001-05:00

I know I have been MIA again. I think the problem is that I have so much I want to say that I don’t know where or how to begin. Well, and then there have been the other blogs... I have posted a ton to several other blogs in the last 2 weeks. It seems everyone has topics that get me fired up and I have been up typing til the wee hours everywhere but here. Between these blogs and some other things going on in my life, I have so many thoughts I want to get out. But if I begin typing I may never stop.

However, some significant things have happened in my little boy’s life in the last 2 weeks of *silence*. And I want to be sure I keep his posts current.

Last Saturday was our very first Gotcha Day! It is also Harrison’s cousin, Brayden’s birthday. Tim, being an adoptee, thinks Gotcha Day is silly and always thought it was just something his little sister made up to get extra presents. But the day means a lot to me and I was so excited to celebrate so Tim got in the spirit. I think he gets it more now that he is a daddy.

The only problem was we didn’t really think things through. We planned a full day: at Brayden’s birthday party all day and then off to the toy store for a special present, then out to dinner as a family to celebrate Gotcha Day. Well the birthday party prevented a nap, so by the time we got to the toy store he was asleep. We picked a toy, while he snoozed in the stroller and then headed to dinner. We met my mom in the parking lot with a very over-stimulated, over-tired toddler on the verge of a meltdown. We reached the decision that it would not be a very fun Gotcha Day celebration for him if he was being corrected the whole time, and we headed home. Pizza and pajamas would have to suffice for a celebration, but at least we could enjoy each other.

The other significant moment in my little boys life came the night before Gotcha Day. And it was just tragic! For Mommy, not for Harry. He had been refusing to go to bed at night, screaming his head off for 30 - 40 minutes every night for over 2 months. It always had to be Mommy who put him to sleep and the screaming occurred no matter what I tried. And I tried EVERYTHING! so this night, in his screaming fit he points across the room. I begin asking what he wants naming things, until finally I realize he is pointing to the twin sized bed in his room. I was exhausted of his antics so I put him in the big bed. That was it. Happy as a clam, he went to sleep and has refused his crib everyday and every night since. My baby isn’t even 2 and he is in a big boy bed. He wasn’t a baby long enough! We had exactly 1 year, 365 days of our baby in a crib. Boo-hoo!

Those are the only two Harrison updates. I have a lot more I’d like to type about, but that will have to wait for now.

My new blog

2008-01-20T21:45:00.000-05:00

As promised, I have moved my blog over to my brand new .mac site. The address is: web.mac.com/charfitz/

I am having so much fun putting the site together and will be continuing to add new photo albums over the next few days/weeks. I am also going to transfer some of my favorite posts in time.

By the way, if you are blessed enough to have a mac, a .mac subscription is so worth it.

If you have a pc, I'm sorry.

I am not being lazy...

2008-01-16T15:26:00.000-05:00

I have been so sick for the past, wow... it's almost been a week. I have like five posts rolling through my head, plus I am planning to move my blog. But I have been so out of it, and any free time (Harrison sleeping, Harrison with Daddy) has been spent buried under the covers.

A significant year

2008-01-10T11:59:00.001-05:00

I would have to say that 2007 was probably the most significant year of my life. Some absolutely wonderful things happened and some not so wonderful things happened. In the good and the bad I learned so much this year and I am grateful all of it. My friend Mia made a list like this and I thought it was a great idea, so I am stealing it. Here are 30 things about my life in 2007. The reason I am doing 30 is…

1. I turned 30 this year. And I kinda like it.
2. I brought my beautiful son home from Guatemala and became a mommy.
3. I fell deeper in love with my amazing husband, watching him become a father.
4. I learned that no book can prepare you for motherhood. It is much more wonderful and much more difficult than I ever could have known before experiencing it.
5. I was awed to see what a great father my husband is.
6. My eyes were opened to the suffering in Africa.
7. I decided vegetarianism is not for me and ate lots of meat.
8. I learned what it feels like to be the mom with the kid throwing an absolute fit in the middle of the mall. And that “get control of your kid” is easier said than done.
9. I saw nearly 8 years of heartache wash away in a moment.
10. I learned first hand what I had hoped was true: the bond between a mother and her child has nothing to do with genes.
11. I learned how precious dates with my hubby are. After 8 years of weekly date nights, we savored the 3 wonderful dates we had this year.
12. I learned babies eventually will start walking, even if they wait 17 months, and once they do, you wonder why you were so eager for it to happen.
13. I learned that racism is lurking beneath the surface all over our society.
14. I was overwhelmed by the kindness of a dear friend. Twice this year, she drove 20 hours with four kids to be with me.
15. I discovered the benefits of cloth diapering, and the benefits of giving myself a break from cloth diapering now and again.
16. I learned that “nature” can put up a big fight against “nuture.”
17. I watched my husband stand up for me over and over while others tried to tear me down.
18. I learned that some people just aren’t going to like you and you still need to show them the love of Christ.
19. I taught my child how to receive love.
20. I realized I can’t impart to my child something I do not have. The character I display in day-to-day life will speak much louder than my rules.
21. I learned the value of a good nights sleep.
22. I spent more time praying with my husband.
23. I learned more about the character of God.
24. I thanked God for so many of the times he said “No.” (Hindsight and all that.)
25. I got over myself in a lot of ways.
26. I learned that while playing with Little People isn’t the most fun activity in the world, it means the world to my little person.
27. I stopped teaching Sunday School after about 15 years, and decided my own kids would probably never attend.
28. I broke the rules and discovered sometimes being a rebel is the only way to make a really good thing happen.
29. My mom moved out of our house after 3 years. I miss her!
30. I lost 60 lbs.

December

2008-01-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

...was a beautiful month. My favorite month of the year and my son was here. We celebrated our first advent season together as a family. It went by so fast, but the busyness was joyful and the memories I will treasure forever. If I try to give a full recap, I'll never finish, so here are some Harrison's highlights.

December 15th we celebrated one year since he legally became our son.

He had an adorable ritual all month. I would bring him down in the mornings to rock in daddy's recliner while drinking his bottle. This would last just a few seconds before he realized it was all wrong. He would hop off my lap run the Christmas tree, point and sign please, so I'd turn on the lights. Next we would go to the fireplace, point and sign please, I would tell him Daddy would build a fire when he came home. So then he would point to various Christmas candles and sign please. I would light a few, as he ran to find my iPod. He'd take it to the speaker and sign please, because we had to start each morning with a little of Josh Groban's Christmas CD. Finally, with the tree and the candles and the music and the promise of a fire, he would lead me by the hand back to the rocker so we could snuggle while he drank some milk.

Harrison has had pretty much no interest in talking. Early in the summer he said "Sadie" (our dogs name) for a few weeks and then has never said it again. We were starting worry, even though we knew we shouldn't. (He did, after all switch languages at 10 months old.) But while Christmas shopping in Target in early December, he started fussing. I thought he just wanted to leave so I wasn't paying a lot of attention. And then clear as day he said "STUCK!" I turned and said "What did you say?" He repeated "STUCK!" and used his right hand to point to the fingers on his left hand, which he had wedged between the bars of the shopping cart. I cracked up, as I "unstuck" his fingers. My son who wouldn't even use Mama and Dada in context, could perfectly annunciate stuck in context, when the need presented itself. Though stuck remains the favorite word, Mama and Dada are now used. As well as uh-oh, wow, and most recently Nana, hat and spoon. Now new words seem to come daily.

In addition to the first words, he learned all kinds of news ways to let us know his thoughts. He and his father made up "signs" for everything. His favorite is "all done" wiping hands together. Our favorite is "yes," he couldn't figure out how to nod, so he does a little Japanese bow. He is also convinced that the sign for thank you is the same as blowing kissing, which has been cute with family and a little embarrassing with strangers.

He became a huge helper. One day in early December, Tim noticed Harrison drop his bottle and some milk leaked out on the kitchen floor. Harrison immediately toddered over to get a kitchen towel, sopped up the tiny spill and returned the towel. Later he repeated the activity, but asked Daddy for a paper towel and then threw it in the trash when he was done. We thought this was the cutest thing we had ever seen, but it was just the beginning. In the coming weeks he insisted on throwing his own diapers away, carrying groceries in from the car for Mommy, and picking up each item off the conveyor belt at Target to hand it to the cashier. He even began unloading the bottom half of the dishwasher, handing silverware up to Mommy and putting the Tupperware in the cabinet. He loves to wipe up the kitchen table with a sponge after dinner and bring us his shoes and coat when it is time to leave. And on Christmas morning, seemed to love taking each person their presents even more than opening his own.

He had lots of opportunities to celebrate touchdowns (one of his favorite activities) as the Skins made it to the playoffs! (We won't talk about what our boys did once they got there, that was January.)

After 10 months of playing second fiddle to Daddy, Mommy got to be Harry's favorite in December. WooHoo! Mama had to put him to bed and Mama had to kiss the owies and Mama had to watch whenever he was showing off. And Mama was happy to oblige!

We spent Christmas at Mimi and Grandpa's house in Florida. Harrison played in the sand for the first time, building sandcastles, searching for seashells and begging everyone to stay out of the water. Every time Tim or I got near the waves, he'd run to us, grab our hands and pull us away frantically. His little concerned face was so sweet! But by the last day, his Aunt Mary convinced him to get in the water at a calmer inlet so he could catch hermit crabs. SO EXCITING!

Here are some photos of the trip...

I want YOU to come to the beach with me!

Digging with Daddy

Ah, I finally got Mommy away from those evil waves

Could it be for me?

Mimi volunteers at a turtle rescue... so cool!

Giving big kisses to my #1 girl: Mommy!

Christmas with my son

2007-12-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

I cannot even put into words the joy in my heart that my beautiful son is home with me this Christmas. I cry each time I step back and look at my life. I am so very blessed.

Just having breakfast

2007-12-13T17:08:00.000-05:00

December has been a pretty difficult month to make time to blog. So I thought I'd just share a few pics of my cutie. Have I mentioned how crazy I am about my little man?

Books, books, books

2007-11-26T23:38:00.000-05:00

I spent a lot more time reading this summer than is usual for me. I typically just don't make the time. But this summer was unusual to say the least.

Tim's parents spend their fall/winter/spring in Florida and their summers in Delaware. Their Delaware house is just under 2 hours away, so Harrison and I spent every other week there this summer. A major benefit to this arrangement was the new grandparents wanted all the time they can get with him so I had plenty of time to read. A major disadvantage was no internet access which meant I wasn't emailing, keeping up with my list serves and I wasn't blogging (equals even more reading.) So here are some of my favorites from the summer...

Home-Making by J.R. Miller (originally published in 1882)
It is probably one of the best books I have ever read. Despite the title, it is not just for housewives, it speaks intimately to each of the various roles within a home. To the husband, the wife, the parents, the children, brothers and sisters. Encouraging each member of the family to work together to make their home blessed retreat. Practical and poetic, it simultaneously presses my nose to the grindstone and sends my heart soaring with joy.

I have so many favorite quotes from this book, but here are a few:

The true wife clings and leans, but she also helps and inspires. Her husband feels the mighty inspiration of her love in all his life. Toils are easier, burdens are lighter, battles are less fierce, because of the face that waits in the quiet of the home, because of the heart that beats in loving sympathy whatever the experience, because of the voice that speaks its words of cheer and encouragement when the day's work is done. No wife know how much she can do to make her husband honored among men, and his life a power and a success, by her loyal faithfulness, by the active inspiration of her own sweet life.

I know not how any father can honestly meet these questions, as he looks upon his innocent helpless child, given to him to shelter, to keep, to guide, and not fall upon his knees and give himself to God. Rather would I see my own little ones laid away in the grave to-morrow and miss from my life henceforth all their love, and go with empty arms and sobbing heart through this world to life's close, than to attempt to train them, teach them and lead them on without the help of God.

There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Faye Greene
Everyone needs to read this book! Everyone! It opens your eyes and breaks your heart. I couldn't put it down. It has been called "our contemporary Schindler's List" We simply can't close our eyes any longer to suffering in Africa. We need to pray, we need to act. There are horrors occurring in our world, in our lifetime. If you name Jesus as your Lord, you don't have the option of ignoring the orphans (see James 1:27). This shouldn't just be the hip new crusade of the rich and famous, the church needs to rise up. Go on a missions trip, sponsor a child, purchase (red) products, everyone can do something.

The Shaping of the Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliott
I hadn't picked up any Elisabeth Elliott books since high school when she was my hero. But when I found this book I was really interested. It's such a good book, but not at all what I expecting. Very inspiring. Something very cool that I learned: Elisabeth's mother attended a Reformed Episcopal Church growing up and then she married a Presbyterian. I am a Reformed Episcopalian, with a bit of a Presbyterian leaning. (But shhh, don't tell Josh)

Miserly Moms: Living on one income in a two income economy
Loved this book, so many hints for cutting financial corners and dispells a lot of preconceived notions (eg. you have to eat crappy, nutritionless food to save a lot of money on groceries) The author fed a family of 4 on $40 per week, with plenty of protein and fresh produce. That alone would revolutionize my budget. I have been applying some of the techniques and I was able to do five dinners for 4 four of us for about $15. Three bucks a dinner ain't so bad, and we still had plenty of leftovers for lunches.

You On A Diet: Waist Management
Good solid information, one of the best diet books I have read, but all the "humor" and cultural references get a little tired. The thrust of the message is focus more on the size of your waist than the number on the scale. Belly fat, not a big bum, brings on the weight related health issues. Unfortunate news for me and my body type, but helpful to keep me focused as the number on the scale drops much more quickly than the tape measure around my waist.

I read a bunch more, but these were the most noteworthy. I will probably still be calling a few of them favorites 10 years from now.

I am currently in the midst of Reaching For The Invisible God by Phillip Yancey. It is another awesome one, so I'll post about it when I finish.

2007-11-22T12:08:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Apropos of Nothing

2007-11-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

New Pix

2007-11-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

My baby and me

Little chicken (or duck, it's up for debate)

Go Skins!

Seven months later

2007-11-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

It is hard to believe that last time I posted Harrison had been home only 2 ½ months.

After waiting so long, I felt like my post should be big. Lots of updates, thoughts, pictures. The task seemed daunting and so I didn’t post. A month passed and I didn’t post and then another month and another. Oh, I started. I have several of drafts in my account, updates on Harrison, thoughts on the many books I have been reading, and random musings. But I never actually posted.

I know that around the first of the year, I will be moving my blog to a new site, so I thought of just waiting. But a couple people have told me recently that they miss my blog... and I miss blogging, so here I am.

Harrison is amazing and I can gush with "the worst of them". I have plenty of baby pictures and updates.

As for me, the past months have been eye opening. I have so many things that I would love to write. I have read some challenging books that have sparked some changes in the way I see God, those around me and myself. I wouldn’t exactly call it spiritual growth, although I hope I am in fact growing. But this has been more a changing gears. So I have a lot to *talk* about.

Anyway, I will update overtime in bite sized pieces, so as to not overwhelmed myself or the one or two people who may still be interested in reading. ;)

Blessings!

Updates

2007-04-22T22:20:00.000-04:00

It has been quite a couple of weeks at Casa Fitz. Just after Easter, my dear Harrison turned one year old on the 10th. (I can hardly believe he's one, he just got here!) Then I got a little bit sick and then he got really sick. His head cold moved into his lungs and then he topped it off with an ear infection. He is currently on a nebulizer 3x per day and on his first antibiotics. =( But he is such a little trooper, even sick, he never stops melting my heart with his infectious little laugh.

So not much has happened around here. Not much sleeping, not much eating, not much internet, not much to update, so I have just posted some photos below of the last 2 weeks. Also, my friend Stacy posts letters to her each of her children on their birthdays. I love her letters, thought it was a wonderful tradition and I posted my letter to Harry.

Enjoy!

Harrison Turns One

2007-04-22T20:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks for stopping by my mommy's blog to see my birthday photos!

Mommy made everyone wear hats...
Brayden didn't like his
And she made this cake to look like me
After much debate, she let me eat some... and I loved it!
I got cool presents too!
With my hot new ride, I am a cool cop like Uncle Steve
Auntie Renee sent me this present... It's Daddy's favorite, but Mommy says I can't wear it yet cause she is 29 and that would be lying.

To my beloved son

2007-04-22T12:14:00.000-04:00

Dear Harrison,

Happy birthday, my dear little one.

As we celebrate your very first birthday today, I have been reflecting on the first year of your life. The pain of all the happy and sad moments apart is so distant from me in our day-to-day life together, for you are such a joy. But today, as we commemorate one year of your life, I cannot help but remember much of this year, when we did not have each other to hold. I am sorry but I don't know what time you were born, or what your life was like that day. I know that your birth mother loved you very much and she cared for you for your first 2 months, until she took you to the orphanage. It was then, when you were 2 months old, that I first saw your beautiful face. Less than a week after I saw that photo, you were in my arms.

During the months that followed, I watched you grow through photographs and videos. I prayed and waited patiently, and not-so patiently to be reunited with you. My heart ached as I thought of you going into surgery without your mommy in the waiting room. Or when you cut your first teeth without your mommy to comfort you. My heart soared when I read you were gaining weight and when I first saw you giggle. I am so blessed, because you saved so much of yourself for me, learning to sit up unassisted, crawl, and now walk sideways along the couches all since you have been home.

In the almost 3 months that you have been home, you have turned my world upside down with joy. I am truly the happiest I have ever been in my life, and that has everything to do with you.

When you first came home you were a bit unsure of what had happened in your world and so you were a bit unsure of us. You didn't know how to cuddle with us, and you didn't know we wanted to comfort you when you hurt yourself. In fact, other than that amazing laugh, we rarely saw you express any emotion at all. But with a little time and a little work, we have won your heart and you have opened up to us. Now, you can't bear for me to leave the room, you snuggle up to me throughout the day and I have even caught you fake crying, just for extra snuggles. I am happy to oblige! And when Daddy gets home from work, well, you have never seen a baby crawl so fast. Daddy usually ends up rolling on the floor, still in his suit and tie, because he just can't resist you tugging at his leg.

For the most part, you are a very easy going baby, but when you get something in your head you are incredibly determined. You are a terrific blend of laid-back and spunky, and each day your daddy and I see how God chose the perfect child for us. And your laugh! I can't say enough about it. You laugh with every inch of your body, with every ounce of your soul. You kick your legs, wiggle your toes, shake your fists, squeeze your little eyes shut and bare those 4 perfect teeth.

Right now, you like to wave hi, give 5, play peek-a-boo, and blow raspberries when we kiss you. Your favorite activity is jumping in your jumperoo to the beat of my clapping. Sometimes you will jump and jump until you put yourself to sleep, still bouncing. Your favorite toy is a spoon. For some reason, spoons of all shapes and sizes provide endless entertainment. Bath time is your favorite. You love the water, and you are fearless. You proved to be a natural swimmer in Mimi and Grandpa's pool.

You are not crazy about eating, but when you must, you love vegetables. Often, we have to hide the meat in your veggies to get some protein in your little body. You do not like sippy cups. You either want your bottle, or you want a regular cup, and you are actually very good with regular cups.

You say "Dada" constantly, and "Mama" once every few days. Daddy plays a little game with you... he says, "Say Mama," and you giggle and say "Dada!" "Say Mama"..."Dada!" You and he do this over and over, both of you cracking up!

You are truly our little dream come true and we thank God for everyday He has given us with you. I pray for you to grow big and strong and smart, and that you learn to trust us more and more. I also pray for us, that the Lord will guide us and give us wisdom and courage as we endeavor to live up to the amazing gift God has given us in you.

I love you my son!

Easter Pix

2007-04-22T11:22:00.000-04:00

Uncle Steve has turned into such a softie!

Hanging with Uncle Bill

Playing with cousin Brayden

Back when it was spring...

2007-04-14T23:42:00.000-04:00

Somehow, the beautiful spring weather vanished and we went back to yuck-o winter. Have I mentioned lately that I am ready to move to Florida with my in-laws!?!

Anyway, back when the weather was nice we were taking Harrison on walks in the evenings. Here are a few photos to remember brighter days...

Harry goes to Florida

2007-04-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

Riding a gator

Breakfast by the pool

Out on the town

Playing in the hot tub

Reading with Grandpa

I had to take a break

2007-04-04T23:14:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile since I have posted. Life has been crazy and blogging had to take a temporary backseat.

My dh's job, almost overnight, became a very bad situation and we were concerned for his safety. God provided a job offer at exactly the right time and we decided he should leave immediately. We had a free week before he needed to start at the new firm, so spur of the moment, we headed to Florida to visit his parents. We arrived home late last night.

Harry loved Florida and just adores his ever-doting grandparents. Though he loves the water, and never wanted to get out of the pool, he was no fan of the actual beach. I truly enjoyed the break and was able to get in some coveted reading time. My mil treated me to a pedicure, something that I so took for granted when I was working, but now it is such a treat.

I am hosting Easter dinner for 17 tomorrow, so I must be going. I usually host it on the screened porch, but since it has been snowing, we may be turning our living room into a dining room tonight. I will post vacation pix and some better updates soon. As always I have several posts rolling around in my head but I can't find the time to get them out.

HAPPY ST PATTY'S DAY!

2007-03-17T20:28:00.000-04:00

...from a lil' Guatemalan Irishman!

Broccoli... it's meant to be

2007-03-13T23:17:00.000-04:00

I have long said if I was stuck on a desert island with only one food, I would choose broccoli. I think it is absolutely delicious. I love the way it tastes, the way it feels in your mouth, the way it looks like cute little minature trees.

Anyway, I have made Harrison a million different kinds of baby food, but hadn't tried broccoli yet. I have made all the basics: apples, pears, bananas, peas, greenbeans, carrots, sweet potatoes. I have even gotten a little exotic with mangoes and avocados. But I just think it would have broken my heart if he didn't share my love affair with broccoli. So finally, last night I steamed it and blended it into the tiniest bits of delicious mush and crossed my fingers...

Well, I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. I put the bite into his mouth, and his little eyes widened. He smiled, then giggled, then flapped his arms in the air with delight. Every time I gave him a bite he repeated that sequence: smile, giggle, flap. He's never reacted that way to anything, much less a vegetable. I tried again tonight and I couldn't get it into his mouth fast enough. He loves the stuff.

So I know this may seem a completely unremarkable event, and pure silliness that I would blog about it. But this broccoli has brought tears to my eyes. When you are an adoptive mom, and you have these tiny moments when you click with your child, when you find something that you share, not because of biology, but because he is the one God chose to be yours before the foundation of the world... well, it is a bliss like you have never known before.

I don't see myself when I look deep in his gorgeous eyes, but I have tiny tearful moments when I know he is mine.

Rub-a-dub-dub

2007-03-10T23:05:00.000-05:00

...my baby loves the tub!

And now, the rest of the story

2007-03-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

As promised, more about our trip; warning this is very long!

Because Tim was in the midst of preparing for the Bar exam, when we took our first trip to Guatemala, we did not have time to visit the beautiful city of Antigua. On this trip, however, we had several full days with nothing scheduled, so, despite some reservations, we decided to go on our second day.

I am so glad we went. It was wonderful to be able to explore Harrison’s homeland with him, to have pictures of him in his country. I kept him in a sling on my chest most of the day. We went to a jade factory, toured a gorgeous monastery and the old Spanish Embassy. We had some very delicious, authentic food and then headed to some markets for shopping. I am a bit taken with architecture, so even when we weren’t doing anything in particular, I was still mesmerized. The day, though very fun, was exhausting and we headed home a little earlier than planned.

Harrison is a pretty easy going baby, and very social baby, so the trip was easy with him. Plus, having the two grandmothers along was a big help.

One of my favorite aspects of our day in Antigua, was the opportunity to get to know another family picking up their child. They were young like us and we just seemed to be able to relate on so many levels. Their precious little girl was about 2 months younger than Harry. I am hopeful that we will be a support to each other in the coming years.

Day three was pretty uneventful, and I needed the break to process. The Marriott, where we were staying was renovating their pool and it would be closed for another month. So we decided to switch hotels.

When we got down to the lobby to check out, I looked around. We were surrounded by adopting families. Babies everywhere! I think I had been in my own little world for the first two days and really hadn’t noticed my surroundings. Tim was checking us out and coordinating transportation to the new hotel. The grandmas were playing with Harry on a couch next to me and I just sat there taking it in. It was the strangest feeling.

I sat and watched as a family was ripped apart. An adoptive mother was handing her baby girl back to the foster mother. The baby was screaming and reaching for her new mommy. The mommy was crying and loading the foster mother with gifts. I sat there in a daze. I knew what was ahead of this woman. I knew she would face so many fears, so many tears in the coming months. She would face illnesses and court dates and PGN, all from thousands of miles away.

And in that moment, my heart broke. I took Harry in my arms and I held him so tight. I rocked him and told him I would never leave him again. Right there in the lobby, I sobbed uncontrollably. It seemed my tears had no end. I was releasing 8 long months of anguish.

By the time we got to the new hotel, I was spent. We unpacked, and then relaxed and had snacks at the poolside bar for the rest of the day.

On day four, we woke super early to head to the US Embassy. Again, this was a very strange experience. Two lines: one for Guatemalan nationals hoping to get visa to come to the US, the other filled with babies and their new parents. We got good numbers, us and the other family from AGCI, so we were actually done by mid-morning. Afterward, we picked up the “abuelas” (grandmas) as they were called by everyone for the whole trip, and headed back to Hannah’s Hope to get more time with my friends’ babies and talk to the doctor on staff. They were not ready for us, so we headed to the grocery store and then back to the hotel.

Tim and the abuelas headed to the pool for the afternoon. I stayed in the room to let Harrison take a nap and wait for our driver, Abel to call and tell us what time he would pick us up to go back to Hannah’s Hope. He never called. I was so bummed! I really wanted to go back and spend time with those babies, but it was not to be.

So Harry and I headed to the pool and had a late lunch at the poolside bar again. Yummy! I love the local food! I think I had the same thing at almost every meal. The rest of our crew was not so thrilled with the cuisine.

Day five was relaxation day. We did some shopping, then called our friends back at the Marriott and told them to meet us at our pool. Harry loved the water! He would have stayed in the pool all day if we had let him. It was soooo cute! His grandma brought him this cute inner tube from Florida and he was a natural swimmer. He kicked and kicked and splashed all over. No fear!

At four o’clock his visa arrived, and we had everything we need to travel. What a relief, we could take our son home!

On day six, we woke early to head to the airport. Our flight got off about 30 minutes late and it became clear, we would most likely miss our connecting flight. On the flight, I was officially baptized into motherhood. Harrison peed right through his diaper, clothes and all over me about 1 hour into a 3 hour flight. As I carried him from the front of the plane all the way to the restroom in theback, I enjoyed the sympathetic glances, stifled giggles and constant whispers. I was the talk of the plane. Very humbling.

Missing our flight wasn’t so bad, we got time to relax and hang out with our new adoption friends and their beautiful new daughter. We arrived in Baltimore around 10 PM and my dear aunt was waiting for us. Baby hat and mittens in one hand, a Diego doll in the other. Too cute!

We pulled into our drive way and saw a huge sign over the door “Welcome Home Harry!” My dearest friends were inside with screams and shouts, hugs and kisses and video camera rolling. They had cooked us an awesome dinner, for that night and the next, loaded our fridge and pantry with yummy stuff and even did some cleaning. The house was filled with balloons and banners! It was the perfect ending to an amazing beginning!

I Can Take A Hint

2007-03-08T22:08:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to make bedtime a bit easier for Harry, we have begun a little routine. He gives kisses to Tim and my mom, and then he and I head for the big rocking recliner. We turn the lights dim and cuddle, and then I give him his nighttime bottle. He can never stay awake to the end of the bottle so while he drinks, I pray over him and sing him a hymn. I tried to sing children's songs, but they are generally so short and I want to draw this sweet time out through his bottle. So hymns, with their many verses, seemed to be a good answer. Naturally, I started with my favorite hymn: Come Thou Fount

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for psalms of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise His name. I'm fixed upon it, name of God's redeeming love.

And my favorite verse goes:

Oh, to grace now great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.

Well if you know me in person, you are probably aware that I am no virtuoso. In fact, I am pretty bad. And in the third line of every verse, the hymn goes up a little higher than I can reach. But I figured, he's a baby, he won't know the difference. Hmmm...

Well, the first time I sang it, my dear 11 month old son was reaching up to my face. I thought: how sweet, he's touching my face. Then I noticed a pattern, every time I got to the third line of a verse, he put his hand over my mouth. Oh, and not just one night, it was night after night.

Sigh... We are now singing "Be Thou My Vision"

What Have I Done To Deserve This?

2007-03-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

My husband loves to change diapers. Go ahead and re-read that sentence if you need to. It's true. And not just any diapers, we use cloth diapers. I find this as hard to believe as you do, so let me explain my discovery.

Every night when my dh gets home from work, he asks me if the baby needs to be changed. I say yes, and off they go. Then again about 10 minutes into dinner, he will turn to Harrison and say, "Daddy is going to change you after dinner." I would just think, he is so sweet to want to give me a break.

Until... the other night my mother-in-law called to talk with her son. While he was talking, I noticed Harry was a little stinky and took him upstairs for a change. A minute later, Tim walked in, still on the phone, made a sad face and left. I didn't think much of it. But I noticed he was sort of grumpily pouting later in the night. When I asked what was wrong, I discovered my beloved was upset that I changed the munchkin's diaper. Evidently, once dh gets home from work diapers are "his job!"

I suppose, as a god-fearing wife, it is my duty to submit.

Lent

2007-03-04T19:17:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to think your child looks adorable with ashes on his little head? And then post it on the internet?

Fierce

2007-02-27T22:09:00.000-05:00

The issue of the day

2007-02-25T17:28:00.000-05:00

Some mornings, while I feed the baby breakfast, my dh reads the me headlines and tidbits from the morning news (typically courtesy of Matt Drudge.) Imagine my dismay this morning, to discover James Cameron will be disproving Christianity once and for all, at a press conference tomorrow. He claims to have proven that Jesus married Mary Magdalene, had a son named Judah and died. Mr. Cameron will say that through DNA testing, he can prove that he has found Jesus' remains.

My gut reaction this morning: Give me a break! What exactly is going to compare this DNA to, in order to prove this is Jesus? And even if there were some to compare it to, they are analyzing two thousand year old DNA? C'mon anyone who has watched CSI knows, it is difficult to get good DNA from a body just a couple of years old, much less two thousand years. Okay, so I know CSI isn't scientific, but I would take the bet that it is a lot less fictional than Mr. Cameron's findings.

After church I began to think on this more. While I am not afraid I am going to need to go search for a new religion anytime soon, I did spend some time thinking about the gullible nature of man. It seems that if people hear something enough, they just begin to believe it. If someone somewhere says they've proved it, well then, it must be true. As I began to fret about this prospect of the difficult road that may lay ahead for Christ's church, the Lord gently reminded me that rarely have His people come under attack, that He hasn't risen up strong among them... That when sin abounds, grace does much more abound... That even in the midst of the unspeakable suffering under Nero, his church did not just survive, but she thrived. I began thinking, "Bring it on, Mr. Cameron!"

But the day wore on and by evening, my heart was moved again by the Lord's gentle prodding. James Cameron is not our enemy. He is not who we fight. Remember, we wrestle not against flesh and blood. The Christ, who he seeks to discredit, is the Christ who died on a cross for this very action.

And so tonight with Christ, my only response can be to pray...

Father, forgive him, for he knows not what he does.

Gotcha Day

2007-02-25T16:48:00.000-05:00

Well, since I have been home 3 ½ weeks now, I guess it is time I get back to blogging and give you all the details of my trip. I feel like I am finally starting to get into a rhythm and I am learning to function pretty well on no sleep! =) So I will begin by taking you through our Gotcha Day, January 26.

From the time we found out we had travel approval, life went into overdrive. Making our travel arrangements, packing, buying last minute essentials. I was physically incapable of more than 2-3 hours of sleep per night and naps were impossible. Life was way to exciting! The night before we left I finally got a solid 5 hours, before waking at 3 am to head to the airport.

My mom, Tim and I met up with Tim's mom at our connecting flight in Houston, and the four of us were on our way. The flights were uneventful and we arrived in Guatemala City on time. After our driver Abel, stopped at the hotel so we could check-in, we headed to Hannah's Hope, the orphanage where our baby boy lived. The drive to the orphanage was familiar, and yet surreal. I could hardly believe forever was about to begin.

I leaned over his crib and touched his back. He was so beautiful. I asked if I could wake him, still so unsure in my new role of mother. I lifted his little body and he snuggled into me. It was one of those amazing moments in life that you know you’ll always cherish. Everything around us was gray, I have no idea what was going on or who was there to witness it. I just remember the purity of those moments holding my son, as my husband held me.

We changed him into his new clothes and took turns holding our new son. Looking back, I can tell that he was a little stunned by what was taking place. The new grandmas got in some snuggles while Tim and I were running around getting photos and giving hugs to the babies of my friends on the list serve. We were a bit rushed and didn’t get quite as much time there as we would have liked. I missed a few very important babies.

Back at the hotel, we unpacked and played. It was a sweet time of just getting to know each other. We had a delicioso dinner at a beautiful outdoor restaurant at the hotel, then headed back to the room for a bottle and early bed. We were actually all in bed with the lights out before 9 pm. But the very excited new mama just couldn’t sleep. I kept checking on my little guy, to make sure he was okay, to make sure he was really there. He only woke once that night and fell back to sleep pretty easily.

What an amazing day!

Me Church

2007-02-23T09:59:00.000-05:00

I know I am so behind in posting about my trip and my amazing son, but I just could resist sharing this video I found on my friend Henry's blog. Enjoy...

My miracle

2007-02-08T16:12:00.000-05:00

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.
---Kristi Larson

In Antigua

2007-02-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Our first full day together...

Home At Last

2007-02-02T18:03:00.000-05:00

We are home! Harrison is just fantastic and I am sitting on top of the world. I have a ton to share and lots of photos, but I am exhausted. I will post soon, I promise!

MIRL (Meet In Real Life)

2007-01-24T21:08:00.000-05:00

Tonight was so fun! I got to hang out with Gretchen and her beautiful baby boy John. Gretchen is an awesome friend to all of us on the AGCI list serv, and I have to say, she is even more fun in real life! She had some things she wanted to donate to the orphanage, and we figured out that she lives just 40 minutes away, so she stopped by.

Her little John is just 2 days younger than my Harrison, but he came home in September. He is the same heritage (Mayan), same weight, same height and he is quite the cuddler! So I got a baby fix to help me to make it through the next 42 hours!

Holy cow 42 hours!!!!!!!!!!!

PINK! PINK! PINK!

2007-01-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

I was mean, I know, so...

We are pink!

For those of you who don't know the significance of being "pink", at the end of a Guatemalan adoption, the US Embassy issues a pink slip, which is your approval to travel to Guatemala to pick up your baby! We received notification that we are pink today.

We fly out at 6 am on Friday and Harrison will be in our arms by 2 pm. We will spend the weekend bonding, and have our Embassy appointment on Monday morning. Tuesday afternoon we will receive his visa, and we head home Wednesday morning.

I am so excited, I can hardly believe it is actually finally happening. Just 2 weeks shy of the 2 year anniversary of making the decision to adopt, our son will be home.

GUESS WHAT???

2007-01-23T12:52:00.000-05:00

Tagged!

2007-01-16T18:28:00.000-05:00

So I was out of the blogging loop for like 5 days and I guess I missed the tagging sensation started by Sarah.

So here goes..... Six weird things about me...

1. I eat my pizza crust first.

2. I have a book buying addiction. I love owning books. The library has no appeal to me. The only problem: I consistently stop reading books in the fourth chapter.

3. I always sneeze in sevens. And most of my friends count whenever I sneeze.

4. I ate my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 29 years old.

5. I was once stoned (with rocks, not drugs!) On a mission trip to El Salvador when I was 16, I witnessed to the leader of a gang. He began to open up, and this really upset the other guys, so they all started throwing rocks at me. I blacked out when I got hit in the head. My friends carried me to safety, and I came out of it with only a few bruises and a headache.

6. And keeping with the cheese theme, I like my Mac & Cheese to be a soup. I keep adding milk until the cheese sauce is more like a broth.

Thanks for the input

2007-01-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all who chimed in on my cocooning post. I have quite a wise group of e-friends !

I haven't had a chance to check in lately. My house keeps calling to me, "Organize me, organize me." The baby's room is finally done and the living room and kitchen are much more kid friendly. Now all I need to do is finish up the office. Then there is obsession with getting everything I may want to do in the next 3 months done now. So my computer time has gone by the wayside a bit.

Cocooning?

2007-01-05T03:11:00.000-05:00

Cocooning, in terms of adoption, is a subject that I have pretty much avoided. It involves setting boundaries, saying "No" a lot, and well, that makes me squirm.

The social workers, psychologists, etc. say you should really keep adopted babies home “cocooning” anywhere from 3 to 6 months, to give them time to understand that their little world is safe and isn’t going to turn upside down on them again. This cocooning involves rarely leaving the house, limiting visitors, and allowing no one but parents to care for babies basic needs. (So to everyone who was dying to change his poopie diaper: sorry, hate to disappoint you!)

I have never been a person who blindly follows psychobabble, but this concept seems logical, even if it isn't something most people would think of on their own. Most people see a 9 month old baby and think of every other 9 month of baby they have ever known. However, the only times my little boy has been out in the world were when his birth mother gave him up, to go to court, and to go to the hospital for his surgery. Not pleasant experiences. Now I will be stripping him of everything that is familiar, every person to whom he has formed any sort of attachment. Everything will sound different (language), feel different (climate), smell different (food, pollution, etc.)

I had planned to just see what happens. I figured once I had him home, I would be able feel him out. Gauge how he was adjusting and then make the necessary decisions.

But alas, I can't avoid the subject anymore. My baby shower is scheduled for about one week after Harrison arrives home. I think I am going to need to cancel it all together. With everything else I have had to miss out on in regards to babies, I didn’t want to miss that too. But I just don't think I can do it to Harry. He will have gone through so much, a party would be way too much on him.

Some "experts" go so far as to say, take the baby nowhere, not even church. I, of course, am not going to give up church for 3 to 6 months, but he sure isn’t going into the nursery. I don’t plan to take any trips, or go to any parties. For how long? I am not sure.

Any adoption friends have any thoughts on this? Or non-adoption friends?

The Holidays

2007-01-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

Once we received news that Harry is ours, life started moving about a hundred miles per minute. So here is a little update on us.

Christmas was a little hard without the baby, but we had to keep focused. Being with family is a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas, but Christmas isn't about family. It is about Christ. If I am focused on not having Harry with me for Christmas, I have missed the point. People in general are sad around the holidays, because they have taken their focus off Christ and have put it on themselves. Grandpa may have made the Christmas celebration a little more fun, but he doesn't make Christmas. And if he is in heaven now, he is having a much better Christmas than any of us. Okay, enough of that soapbox. :)

Tim had off the week between Christmas and New Year's, and we were planning to spend the week with his parents in Florida. The weather reports were less than promising and the prospect of two 18+ hours drives in 6 days was daunting. We opted to stay home and work on the baby's room and general home organization. Full nesting mode!

Two days, and 14 big black garbage bags later, the nursery was painted and most of what we wanted to accomplish was done. We decided we didn't want to miss out on the opportunity for one last baby-free trip. So packed the car and headed to Michigan to visit our very dear friends Henry and Renee and our 4 beautiful "nephews" and "nieces". We had a fantastic time in Michigan, although, sadly, we saw not one snowflake!

The trip was a blessing to me in so many ways. First of all, I got two 10 hours car rides with my dh... nothing to do but spend time together. Very exciting when you are very in love! One of our favorite past-times is to pick apart issues and look at them from every angle. Though we usually agree, we always pick opposing sides and have a good hearty debate. We almost always come out of it with a better understanding of the opposing side and a stronger ability to articulate our own viewpoint. Iron sharpens iron. So we listened to teaching tapes and parenting tapes and really dug into some meaty issues. We also made a New Year's resolution to pray together daily.

Once we got there, it was so wonderful. Henry and Nae are the kind of friends that we don't have to be anything for, they are family. Our times with them are always restful, relaxing and hilarious. And their children are truly a delight! Honestly, the kind of kids we hope we can raise.

Also, on this trip we got to spend time with our friend Sandy and her kiddos. Even though Sandy and her husband, Joe live close to us, we rarely get time to spend together. They had spent Christmas in Minnesota with her family. Joe flew home to get to work, and she and the kids stopped in Michigan for a day on their drive back. It was so fun to just hang out in the kitchen and have girl time!

We got home late on Monday. Tuesday, Tim headed back to work, and I ran errands and prepped for Harry's arrival. We found out the US Embassy will be closed most of this week due to the death of President Ford, which pushes his homecoming back about one week. I have been fighting getting sick for about 5 days and it finally got the better of me yesterday. So I have had plenty of time to catch up on all my favorite blogs.

So there is our holiday in a nutshell! (must be a big nut...maybe a coconut!)

Feliz Navidad

2006-12-25T17:01:00.000-05:00

Our son, Our name

2006-12-21T22:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday this precious little man got a new birth certificate and a new last name. Oh, how his mommy wants him in her arms! Won't be long now, Miguelito!

At Last...

2006-12-15T20:58:00.000-05:00

I would have to say, last night was by far the hardest since this process started. Rock bottom! A night of agony, a lot of tears, crying out to God.

I woke up exhausted, went to a celebration Tim's boss threw to celebrate Tim's swearing in, came home and Tim and I crashed. We went to bed at 3:00 PM. We were both exhausted in every possible way. Just before 6, Tim got up and asked me if I was just going to sleep til morning. I thought "Yeah, til Tuesday or Wednesday morning," but we were interrupted by the phone.

It was our agency. Today Harrison was declared legally our son by the Guatemalan government! The longest and most dreaded part of the adoption is over. HE IS OURS!!!! We should bring him home the first week in February.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He out a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.

~Psalm 40:1-3

Be Still My Soul

2006-12-14T23:52:00.000-05:00

Be Still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side,
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

This beautiful hymn was written in 1752 by Katharina von Schlegel and translated into English in 1855 by Jane Borthwick. And yet it is searingly relevant to my life in 2006. Never has a song so summed up what I am feeling, as this does today.

Just call me Mrs. Esquire

2006-12-12T23:45:00.000-05:00

Well, it is official. As of 1:45 pm today Tim is an attorney.

There was a nice swearing in ceremony at the Maryland Court of Appeals. The courtroom was gorgeous, and six judges presided, decked out in the traditional garb. I wish I had brought my camera, but typically cameras aren't allowed in courtrooms, so we didn't bring one. (Of course they made an exception today.)

The speaker was the president of the Maryland Women's Bar Association. Then, the judge from our county spoke briefly about Margaret Brent, the first female attorney in the US, who happened to live and practice in Maryland. So all in all, it was a bit feminism heavy for the likes of me. But the judge did end his speech with a bit of sage advice for the new attorneys. "Never, ever, (dramatic pause) drink White Zinfandel. Life's too short to drink bad wine."

Then the candidates took their oaths and finally were pronounced attorneys. I cried. Tim has worked so long and hard for this, and it has finally happened. His dedication to this goal has been so inspiring, and over the past 3 1/2 years he has truly become my hero. I have never worked with such resolve for anything. I am daily challenged by the life I have watched him lead, and I pray, by the grace of God, I will be a fitting helpmate for him.

Thank you Lord, for my amazing, hard working man!

Psalm 27:13-14

2006-12-11T23:50:00.000-05:00

I believe I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord!

And now for a little controversy...

2006-12-10T13:04:00.000-05:00

Oh, relax... It's not that controversial...

Tim and I have decide to use cloth diapers... yes, you read that right, cloth diapers! Now before you start raving about folding, pinning and rubber pants, not to mention the sheer eeeewwwww factor, hear me out...

Frugality. It is something I, new to the housewife scene, have been taking very seriously lately. I eat up every Frugal Friday posting I can find in Blogittyville. It has actually been quite fun. So a few weeks ago, I was over at Ladies Against Feminism and there was a great article called Babies On A Budget by Mrs. Tracy Lambert. Mrs. Lambert, a mother of eight, created a list of what is really necessary for baby and where money can and cannot be saved. But it was this comment that got my wheels turning.

We used disposables with the first seven. I wish I could reclaim the money that we spent diapering the first seven! Cloth diapers are not nearly as much trouble as I originally thought and much cheaper than disposables.

As I started reading around, I learned that the a family using disposable diapers, can spend $600 to $1000 per year. But a cloth diapering family (using top of the line diapers) will only spend about $400 per year. Plus, those same diapers will work on baby #2 and #3...

Hmmm... Just thirty years ago, cloth diapers were pretty common. In fact, my mom used cloth on me. Hmmm... Couldn't be that hard, could it? Oh, I'll end up in the ER, after accidentally stabbing Harry with a diaper pin... So I tried to dismiss it.

But my wheels didn't stop turning. Cloth has to be way more comfortable than PAPER! And what is in those disposable diapers anyway? So I did some research. CHEMICALS! Chemicals are in those diapers. Dioxin, Tributyl tin, Sodium Polyacrylate Gel (banned by FDA for use in tampons), not to mention chlorine and chemical fragrances. I challenge you to Google some of these chemicals. Check out the FDA warnings and then tell me why we are sealing them against our babies' skin 24/7.

Now despite my DH's jokes, I do not consider myself a Crunchy Con but when it is estimated that Americans use 18 million disposable diapers per year, I think a case could be made for good stewardship here.

So I started looking for cloth diapers. Guess what I found. No folding, no pinning, no rubber pants. These are not my mother's cloth diapers. They are easy to use and adorable! We have decided on Fuzzi Bunz. These diapers, called All-In-One's, have three parts: a super-soft fleece layer against baby's skin, an absorbent cloth inner layer to pull moisture away and keep baby dry and a waterproof outer layer to keep mommy dry. And did I mention they are adorable?

So, in summary, here are the benefits to cloth diapering:

~big time money savings, especially if you plan to have more babies
~cloth, not paper on baby's skin
~no chemicals on baby's sensitive bits
~significantly lower instance of diaper rash vs. disposables
~a few less diapers sitting in our landfills
~the new cloth diapers are just as easy to put on as disposables
~all diapers are gross, these aren't as gross as you think they are
~very hip, all the celebrities are using cloth now
~and finally, God chose the exact moment in time when His son would be born, so in effect He chose cloth diapers too. :)

Not Your Average Christmas Song

2006-12-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

I have never been a huge Third Day Fan, but this song...Wow! All I can say, through my tears, is Wow. If you have heard it, you know why. If you haven't heard it, you should.

"Merry Christmas" by Third Day
(last song on the CD)

i heart christmastime!

2006-12-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

We put the tree up and did some decorating last Saturday. My DH thinks it's better that you can't see are all my hot pink and lime green ornaments. We agree to disagree!

Decorated for a whole week... Now if I could just make some progress on those Christmas cards...

The Real Slim Sadie

2006-12-02T23:56:00.000-05:00

Here's that adorable little doggie that I mentioned in my last post!

Faith

2006-11-30T23:27:00.000-05:00

My heart just aches tonight for the many friends that are hurting. We are on a journey of faith together.

Faith has been an issue for me. True faith... Not telling God what to do and expecting Him to deliver, but actually leaving the decisions up to Him and trusting His hand to protect and provide, where ever He leads. See once I figured out what faith wasn't (hocus pocus), I was scared to death about what it was (surrender).

When I surrender, He can lead me places I don't want to go. When I surrender, my comfort zone is gone. Oh, I have been through periods of surrender before, but the stakes were never this high. Of course, God loves me too much to allow me to avoid His will indefinitely. And so He has brought me to a place where I have nothing but Him to rely on. Only from His hand will I receive what I need.

Even though none of what is happening to me and to my friends seems to make sense, (Why would God allow this or that? What possible good can come from my baby living in an orphanage?) I just have to remember His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

I was thinking about this today holding my little dog, Sadie. I love my little Sadie, as silly as it sounds, she brings so much happiness to my and Tim’s life. Today was a gorgeous day here in Maryland, in the 70’s all day. New carpet was being installed in our house and their were so many ways that my little doggie could get into trouble or get hurt. So I made her stay outside. She could run around in the yard or relax on the porch, but she could not come inside. Well, this made her miserable! She just wanted to be in... She barked and cried and whined. She looked so pathetic. I felt really bad for her, but I just couldn’t risk letting her inside.

So I went out for awhile, let her jump into my arms and I hugged and kissed her. I could offer her my comfort, but I just could not give her what she wanted. Even though she could not understand, I knew better than she did and I could not let her go in. Her little doggie brain is never going to be able to grasp why I make the decisions I make for her, but even still, I love her and must make good decisions for her.

Pardon the crude analogy, but... How much more wise are the decisions my Lord makes for me? And how much more does He love me, than I love a dog? Even when I cannot see any possible reason why things are happening as they are, I have to trust Him. I have to trust that He sees and understand things that are beyond my comprehension, and He takes all of it into consideration as He makes the best decisions for ALL of His creation simultaneously. And still when we question Him, He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

This is faith, when all you can see is darkness, and you cannot comprehend where you are going or why you are there, still trusting His hand.

JAMES 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance has it’s perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing.

A Divine Mix

2006-11-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

Philippians is my book right now, meaty stuff. Tonight I was meditating on 3:7-14 - we've heard these verses a million times, but the truth is so tangible it lifts the soul. Especially verse 9 & 10 for me right now.

"...Not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..."

God is stripping me, and forcing me to live by faith. When I would much prefer to rely on "my own righteousness." When I feel like I cannot take another breath, from the crushing pain of being without my beautiful child, I have nothing but faith, nothing but Him. It is the epitome of bittersweet... Oh, how my heart aches and yet the Father is so near, a constant source of comfort and reassurance. It is not quite like anything I have ever experienced before. It is tangible. Agony and pure joy coexisting.

Though my son is so far away, my Father is so very close.

What we need the most

2006-11-26T00:25:00.000-05:00

Give us this day, Lord,
Not the miracles our human hearts long for,
Not the proud but brief satisfaction of saying to doubters,
"I told you so!"
But give us daily bread, only that which
You see will truly nourish us in our pilgrimage toward home.

~Elisabeth Elliott

Pain is okay

2006-11-25T00:13:00.000-05:00

So, it has been awhile, but I have an excuse: the only thing I have wanted to write about, was something that I have to be very careful writing about here...

I miss him so much. The wait feels unbearable most days, and I seem to cry at the drop of a hat lately. The diaper aisle at the grocery store is my new favorite.

What God has been showing me is that my pain is in the center of His will, and if I want to embrace His will, I will be embracing the pain. No coping mechanisms, no hiding from the pain. It is actually quite freeing. This is not supposed to feel good. It should hurt. Something would be really wrong, if I was fine, if I met my son, hugged and kissed and fell totally in love with him, and now months later, I was just fine. No, I have never experienced love like this before, and so, I have never experienced pain like this before. When God called me to adoption He called me to this. The process certainly did not take Him by surprise.

I am not saying that I can just sit around and wallow in my pain. (Not that I don't have my moments.) But I must press on, daily (or even hourly) laying my pain at this feet of Jesus. Like Paul with his thorn, I plead that my burden may depart from me, that the wait would end. But like Paul, I know that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in weakness. And I am not in short supply of weakness, so there is plenty of room for His power.

I was praying the other day and I realized, each day God gives me enough grace for that day. When I start thinking of tomorrow, I become faint of heart, but when I live in the grace that God has provided for today, I am okay.

The Collect

2006-11-20T14:10:00.000-05:00

This was the Collect of the day Sunday. Definitely something to meditate on.

Blessed Lord, who caused all holy Scriptures to be written for our learning: Grant us so to hear them, read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest them, that we may embrace and ever hold fast the blessed hope of everlasting life, which you have given us in our Savior Jesus Christ; who lives and reigns with you and the Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

~BCP

Tomorrow is Election Day

2006-11-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

READ! READ! READ!

If you are only half as disillusioned as I have been lately in regards to politics, you should read John Piper's article and then...

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Big News!

2006-11-03T17:48:00.000-05:00

The results are in...

After almost 4 months of an agonizing wait...

At 5:00 pm today, the results of the Maryland Bar came in...

TIM PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby's First Halloween

2006-11-02T01:08:00.000-05:00

My nephew, Brayden... the cutest frog I have ever seen...

Check it out...

2006-11-01T18:06:00.000-05:00

Sesame Street will be celebrating National Adoption Month by airing 2 episodes (11/6 &11/7 at 10am), in which Gina travels to Guatemala to adopt a baby boy.

Wait by Russell Kelfer

2006-10-31T08:53:00.000-05:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
"Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance,
And you tell me to wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And I grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be,
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You‚Äôd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still... "Wait."

Discretion

2006-10-30T09:38:00.000-05:00

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Proverbs 31:11

As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion... Proverbs 11:22

Given some disappointing news in regards to the timeline of our adoption last week, I have purposed to take the upcoming months to grow as a wife, without the stresses of my job or of motherhood. My goal is to focus on my husband and to learn to truly be a helpmate. The first verse above has been inescapable in my heart over the past few weeks. What does it mean, "the heart of her husband safely trusts her." Of course, fidelity, the knowledge that I am wholly his.

But what is fidelity really? And am I guilty of infidelity? Webster says it is, "the quality or state of being faithful." Hmmm, off to faithful... At faithful, I find words like loyal, constant, staunch, steadfast and resolute. Good words, but how do I flesh that out.

Here is what I have been thinking about fidelity and my husband's safe entrusting of his heart of me. Fidelity involves all aspects of my being. There is no area that is unfaithful to him. My husband should be confident that my heart is true to him, my mind is true to him, my speech is true to him. Fidelity of speech is what has really been driven home in my heart lately.

When I say I must have fidelity of speech, it involves so many things. Foremost, I believe fidelity of speech involves DISCRETION.

My words must never tear him down or belittle him to others. How can his heart safely trust me, if I am telling my girlfriend his weaknesses, who then tells her husband his weaknesses? All men have weaknesses, and no spouse is perfect and all fulfilling. But does a husband's heart feel safe when another man knows the specific areas where he is not fulfilling his wife? And let's be honest, does a wife want another woman to know the areas where she does not fulfill him? What a grieving breakdown in the intimacy, the sanctity of the marriage! It is just so easy to seek comfort in a friend, instead of graciously accepting a husband as he is and working with him and the Father to improve the marriage.

But there are still other areas, where I must consider fidelity in my discretion of speech. Like it or not, wherever I go, I represent my husband. People make decisions about him based on the things I do and say. If my words are honest, pure and life giving, a level respect is apportioned to him. However, if my words are unreliable, crude or slanderous, he is disregarded and pitied.

I have noticed that truly great men, have women who understand this principle. When I look to great historical and political figures, so often, their wives lived life as an ambassador of their husband and thus brought him greater respect and honor. These great women were ever mindful that their words and actions were an indelible reflection of their husband's worthiness.

Imagine a first lady, with an uncontrolled tongue, would her husband ever see a second term?

I think of my own pastor, a godly man of strength and character, and I see the reflection of this in the discretion of his wife. She is truly a testament of his faithfulness to the Lord.

How does any woman expect greatness from her husband, when her speech is constantly undermining his authority? How can she expect him to lead others, when his own wife does not regard his leadership or support his vision?

For me, discretion is probably my greatest struggle and I know it will most likely be a lifelong battle. My heart is so grieved when I think of the dishonor I have brought my husband through my indiscretion. But with resolve, I must press on, no matter how insurmountable my sin may seem to me.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

2006-10-21T23:24:00.000-04:00

The past two days have marked a new phase for me. They have been the first real steps into my new life. Yesterday was my last day at the university. Today, I am officially a housewife, a soon-to-be stay-at-home mommy. Holy cow! And if that wasn't enough, today we got rid of my super hot and sporty turbo beetle and got me a mom-mobile. I am the proud new owner of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Eek! Safe and roomy and definitely no turbo engine. It's DARK BLUE, not ORANGE. Tim keeps telling me to remember that I didn't trade a bug for a boring SUV, I traded a bug for a whole new life, for a baby!

I sat in the Jeep tonight and imagined a car seat in the back, a cooing Harry fiddling with a toy. So bring on the changes, I'll take em. Gladly!

Baby News...

2006-10-19T22:39:00.000-04:00

Well we got some great news this week.

When we traveled to meet our baby, three other wonderful couples went traveled with us. Tim and I so enjoyed getting to know these couples and spending such a very special time in our lives with them.

Well, earlier this week, we all emailed each other new photos of our little ones and talked about the part of the process that we are currently in. We were all in the same waiting phase. Until yesterday. One family got approved yesterday and another family got their approval today. From the point of this approval, families typically wait 4 to 6 weeks to bring their babies home. It is so exciting! There is no telling how much longer we will wait, but this is definitely a good sign.

Babies for Christmas!!! Keep praying!!!

Welcome to my blog

2006-10-18T20:20:00.000-04:00

Hi Friends,

There is so much going on at Casa Fitz... little news, big news, so here is the place for the updates... intertwined with all of the random Charlotte musing you expect!

new logo

2006-09-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

2005-11-24T21:10:00.001-05:00